Always in the edge of my field of view
My heart beats fast even if afar I see you
I can't do nothing to explain this painful feel
Painful but with cure...
You...
I want to say
How I can't live without you
But it never ever happen
I put everything in your lay
Because I am too shy
And if you ask me if I love you
I would lie
I have to much shame
In my heart
In my head
It looks like I am dead
Inside I burn
Inside I burn
Without you
And when I try to say to you something
I just wish it's already said
But in the end I can't say shit
I can't cite a word to you
And I don't know why
And if you ask me if I love you
I would lie
But sometimes I just feel hate
Against you
And against my probable fate
Without you
And I try to forget
That I love you
But my heart says
It's forbidden
And if you ask me I love you
I would lie
Because I am too shy
And I burn inside because I don't have you!
And I burn inside without you...
You are a materialistic one
A preepy mediocre like the other girls
But when I see you forget it all
My pride always fall
Express to you how I love you
Is more than a shall
Even with all the shit I have in my head
But when I try to say to you something
I just wish it's already said
But it end I can't say SHIT!
And if you ask me if I love you
I would lie
Because I am too shy
And if you travel to far away I'll miss you
You maybe don't care but I love you...
It's the only thing I know
Even if you don't think so...
I know I don't deserve you
I know you deserve much better
I am stupid because I can't say what I feel...
Or maybe NO...
NO!
FUCK OFF!
You stupid materialistic girl!
FUCK OFF! FUCK OFF!
You and your dumb look
FUCK OFF!
Maybe my pride comes cruel
And cursed
My only wish is too see you dead
I have this sadistic thought in my head
I wanna see you dead!
I wanna see you suffering!
Suffer! AND FUCK OFF!
Lies...
Lies... just a bunch of lies...
I know this thoughts are just a lie
I'll forget it and put every decisions in your lay
Because I can't do nothing
For you...
I'm burning...
In shame
I'm burning...
In agony
I'm burning...
WITHOUT YOU!
Just you have my empathy
The size of this feeling is bigger than a sea
And I burn inside because I don't have you
Because I don't have you..
Inside... I burn...
Inside... I burn...
Without you...
-------------------------------
So... it's my new poem/lyric with the intention to be a Metalcore song.
Jeffaro
Pretty good writing for a person your age, as far as structure goes.Try being less direct with your lyrics.Try to use more metaphors and stuff that gets the listener to think.Right now your lyrics would just be the equivalent of someone talking.No offense.
Although, I still give you props for having a decent structure.Keep working on your writing.Also, it helps to write the music first and then the lyrics last.Hope I helped a little bit.
TheDaemonicPoet
I have some troubles building metaphors, I am not very creative in that area, I try but I can't always do it... And this lyric is not a romantic lyric at all I am not exactly expressing love for someone, I am telling about how frustrating is expressing love to someone, and how frustrating his love someone and that person don't give a fuck about us, so I can't be too "indirect"...